My Story

Where do I start....................well I best start at the beginning,

I first met him on a winters night, he was so funny and so nice, little did I know that he was going to slowly take control of my life and introduce me into a sordid and seedy world where it appeared no-one had any morals or conscience.

He certainly knew how to romance a woman, he would meet me from work for lunch or just turn up with flowers and my favourite wine.  We would leave each other love letters on our pillows for the other to read when they got in from work.

For the first time in my life someone loved me so much and I felt exhilarated.  There were a few hiccoughs along the way, but we all have them.

Eventually he became my sole world at the expense of all my family and friends, the only people round us were his friends and family.

Then the tantrums started when he couldn't get his own way, so to keep the peace I would give in plus his tantrums were frightening,

I showed him love in everyway possible, dressed how he wanted me to and behaved how he wanted me to.  Eventually I didn't like the person who I had become.  By this time I had no job, although I worked alongside of him building a business he never acknowledged my role in it.  Nothing I did was enough to prove my love for him.

Married him........still not enough to prove how much I loved him.  All he wanted was to lay claim to what I owned and have legal proof of it for himself.  This was the only thing I wouldn't relinquish, not because I didn't want to, after all he became my husband, but because all he ever kept on about was his entitlement to have his name on THOSE deeds.  

Eventually I became ill from his constant need for me to prove my love along with the realisation that he was having an affair with someone very close.

Finally he went too far and I managed to get him out of the house after some brutal behaviour from him.  The FIRST thing he did was BLOCK  ME  FROM   SELLING  MY  HOME.

I couldn't work and my son paid my mortgage and bills for 7 months, then my husband moved back in but I could tell he didn't really want to be there.  On our 2nd anniversary he chose to go out instead of attempting to repair the damage and work on our reconciliation.

Eventually the house was sold and I got the courage to leave him.  This proved harder than I could have imagined.

Why you ask?

Because slowly and subtly he had taken total control of me and had become the focus of everything within me.  I did nothing without considering his every wish or desire.  In a way his control was like a cancer which spread through me without knowing about it till it was too late.

As you can see from my poem 'My life in your hands'  I always hoped for a miracle and to have the man back who I fell so deeply in love with.  But that had just been a mask !

That's the background, the poem will tell you about what happened to cause me to be so ill.

I got home about 3 am and when I looked in the mirror I was so shocked to see the marks on my face where he had tried to suffocate me!!!

There was nowhere for me to turn at that time of the morning, I cant remember if I slept or not.

The next thing I remember was my family and the police being there asking me all sorts of questions.........most of it was a blur as I was in so much shock.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that a person is prepared to do anything to lay claim to possessions.  I was the obstacle to getting those possessions, so control of me was needed in order to achieve the main goal.  I was warned but I wouldn't listen. How could someone who made me feel so loved and alive be fake?  Of course by the time I learned the truth he had total control over me!

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